Much of my entries under the category “National Service” has me spending my time with him and Justin.

You’re happy where you’re at now, Nick. And nobody can shoot you down.

Not surprisingly, I’m stressed over what’s in my head rather than what’s in my heart. There’s really no need for me to complain about whatever’s been pressurizing me in the Army, nor what’s being demanded endlessly as a professional. Nothing’s going to change.

But who am I kidding? I guess I’ve been rather restrictive in venting my anger to anyone else. Blame that on petty morality. But it seems like that’s probably the only way I’ll get a shitload of things off my chest.

Still, nothing’s going to change, I still have to continue with my responsibilities as level-headed and rationally as I could. Face the music, so on and so forth, yada yada yada.

I went home today in hopes that a few rounds of games could pacify me. That didn’t work out as planned and I found myself being a jerk online.

But no matter. I’ll find solace tonight. If only because I have my stash of Vodka to ween me to sleep. I hope.

Fuck this.

Granted, I’m probably a couple of years late. That’s what being a workaholic does to you.

I’ve made the switch to WordPress yesterday. I’m sorry if the new blog hurts your eyes. It’s okay. Mine’s bleeding.

There are some good things and bad things, though. Good thing is, it’s WordPress, and that means a much more advanced dashboard and a better way to handle posts. In comparison to Blogger, WordPress feels very University, and Blogger feels very Primary School and crayons.

I’m sad, though, that certain elements need a workaround to be added in such as the Vimeo videos, Plurk, and all the other extra things that Blogger easily allows you to sit in.

Secondly, I hate that there’s a limited number of free themes to choose from. I’ll have to re-skin one of these templates soon. They’re all terrible ugly.

Great weekend. I loved it. From the moment I stepped out of camp on Friday night, till an hour ago when I stepped back home, I’ve had a much-needed break. What with my parents across the border and being single again.

Pictures!

Have a great week ahead!

No?

I’m having lots of fun now, balancing between work, play, and the Army.

I should call a few people out this weekend.

It’s weird to hear, and highly patronizing of me, if I were to say that I found absolutely very little reason to do what I used to do – blogging, photoshopping, researching and plurking or whatever. But, for the record, everything’s okay now, and we’re talking again.

For a period of time I went around looking for something to fill up this empty space where my drive was. Along the process, I found new friends, did some new things and had a bit of fun. If there were anything good to come from this fallout, it would be that I’ve found a couple (or a few, rather) of people I really enjoy hanging out with.

I’m almost a year into National Service, and in one year I’ve made major decisions that I may or may not regret in life later. I’ve made decisions my parents would kill me over and I’ve made “hard decisions” that, not surprisingly, I took very lightly. In a year, I’ve moved on to the other extreme of the spectrum.

But I can’t help to think that I’ve let my reigns go too early, too fast. I don’t think much about philosophies or creative projects anymore. No. I’ve lost the mood to do all I did before. It finally dawned on me, today, that I don’t feel like a complete, functional, intelligent human being. I’ve, instead, become a gossip queen with a plastic mask and synthetic leather shoes. A knock on my chest and you’ll hear it hollow and thin.

There are times I feel I’ve crossed the line and rolled over some of my dear friends in our conversations or my approach to them. I barely listen or read intently as I used to. Impatient and disorganized. If you, my friends, are reading this, and agree, and I have offended you, then, please, forgive me.

My biggest regret, really, is that I’ve lost quite a bit of my skill in writing and English. My thoughts are highly disorganized now and keeping to time is getting unbearably difficult. Maybe I’ve spent much too long in my comfort zone. Or maybe I’m OUT of my comfort zone, and I’m struggling with my feet to find a place.

I wish there was a reset button. I really do. Reset back to September of 2008, when I was fresh out of BMT and lining up to read my listing for SISPEC, and spotting Jayden lugging his bag around.

I wonder, really, what I would be like if I stuck on to SISPEC.

Who am I?

Click here to see me dressed as a woman.